ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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