The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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