I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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