Soap is not a condiment
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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