I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
