I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
