my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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