Welp...herpes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
