I'm lost and stupid without you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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