Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
