i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
