Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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