Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
