Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Michael Bay diarrhea
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
