so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
