no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
