maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
