You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
