"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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