Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
