I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
