Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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