If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
