I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
