he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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