Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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