I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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