after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
