Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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