I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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