At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
