We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Mom said you looked used
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
