i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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