He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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