someone get that fucking seahorse.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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