addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
