i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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