Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
