Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
