1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
