Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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