he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
