Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
