there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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