If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Vodka?
Forever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
