every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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