first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
