You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
