She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
