just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
